Lloronas, full moons and the season of balance. A time when we embrace fright, Friday the thirteenth and death. No one could have expected the sudden passing of our beloved angel, icon, friend, sister, daughter and catrina. Nikki Bustos meant something to me. And she meant something to everyone. Whatever you knew about her, remember this: that glorious smile. It captured resolute strength, a vibrant joy for life, and a sadness you couldn’t quite put your finger on. Her fine hair and always perfect makeup. Nikki was made of love, kisses, sugar and spice.
Nikki was all about equilibrium though you may not have guessed it — she was always full tilt. All in. She loved hard, and on the other side of the scale, felt pain more profoundly than most. Looking into her eyes, you saw passion, commitment, a wild hair and her genuine love for you. No judgment. No questions. But in like fashion, no questions please. My life is mine. And if you looked even deeper, you’d be fooled into thinking you knew who she was. Even those closest to her don’t know exactly who Nikki was.
Look at her life, her people, clan, her art, oh god, her art, and you see a life of balance, a leaning toward numbers (22 in particular — her birthdate), the Libra season, full moons and muerto art. In her early 20’s, Nikki spent a month in México City and studied the art of life. That’s where she got that ring. ou know that silver piece she never took off. She learned to embrace the inevitability that death was as much a part of life as life itself. Expressing herself through art represented by Día de Los Muertos became a signature backdrop. Even going to Los Angeles many years later to film, photograph and be a part of the muerto art scene.
When somebody passes so young, we often say they went before their time. And though it is true that 41 is young, Nikki left nothing behind. Perhaps it was the Libra in her. There is a certain economy to us Libras (and Scorpio cusps) that requires balance and leaves no remainder. That’s why it was common for Nikki to hug so strongly like it was the last. Or text with urgency that she cared about you and wanted to make sure you knew it.
When it came to friendships, no one held them more closely than Nikki. At an early age, she showed sadness when separated from the posse. On the way home from school on the last day of sixth grade, Nikki started crying. Her friend said, “Nikki, what’s wrong?!” Full of tears, Nikki said, “I’m afraid I’ll never see my friends again.” Don’t worry Nikki, they are all here waiting for you.
Nikki spent the last few years working for many non-profits like Tewa Women United, the Santa Fe Mountain Recovery, the United Way as well as teaching art to kids. She was happiest when she was giving something away. She had a deep connection with and understanding of the pain that our Valley endures. Leading to her work in areas effecting our community from children, to women’s issues and those suffering addiction.
Artists are known to create to express their unconscious pain. Perhaps for Nikki, it was to express her very conscious pain. It’s just that most of us aren’t observant enough to catch the signs. And perhaps it is our failure when we do not to see through the lines. Nikki loved black and white photography. Maybe a desire to clearly delineate between our opposing demons. Good and evil. Right and wrong. That would make sense in a libra mind. But life is more complex than that and doesn’t provide the easy answers we seek. Perhaps the inclination and fascination with catrinas, tattoos and the art of adornment helped to soothe the pain. Catrinas are the highly adorned skulls you see during day of the dead celebrations. They combine the macabre scenes of death and the beauty of life. We even see Frida, the Mexican painter and icon embodying female strength, beauty, and mystery adorned as a catrina. Nikki certainly did. It is not a morbid fascination with death. It is a beautiful embrace of the afterlife. Hence the desire for tattoos and the creative adornment of death itself. What a beautiful combination of expressive creativity and the sullen recognition that who we are isn’t quite enough. So we cover it with something glorious. Something that lasts a lifetime and conquers death itself. That was Nikki, trying to outrun the inevitable. Making it beautiful.
When someone we love passes, we are left with more questions than answers. How we solve that riddle helps us to understand their life and their death. But this time, let’s not try to answer those questions. What a waste and injustice to our friend. Nikki wasn’t a riddle wrapped in a conundrum meant to be answered. She is a beautiful spirit, currently but temporarily, trapped between the folds of light and darkness, between the shades of life and death waiting for the moon to spread the pages of her canvas apart and reveal her to the world yet again. She was looking forward to the art exhibit this October, Friday 13th. Give her strength, wings and a strong boost. Leave a little bit of moon water. She’ll find it and be grateful. And maybe. Just maybe. She’ll give us one of those electrifying smiles.
Javier Sánchez is the former mayor of the City of Española, NM, and the co-owner of La Cocina New Mexican Restaurant.