Please and thank you. Don’t you hate it when people say that? They couldn’t take the time to wait until the task was done. They just bark out orders. Close the door. Please and thank you. Go do this. Please and thank you. Usually with a smile. As if saying thank you makes whatever it is they are telling you to do easier to swallow.
It’s not about giving you a chance to finish the task. It’s about them and the “bait and switch”, bad manners and manipulation. Do this and you get an immediate treat. Unlike a puppy that at least has to wait for his treat until after he has completed his trick, you get yours immediately. You’re almost in sensory overload. I can see your tail wagging. Good boy. Sit. Read.
Don’t get me wrong, order barking is important. Good leadership means knowing how to take orders and execute them well. Giving and taking orders has a long history of shaping our identities, building temples and even cities. It is crucial in any orderly organization. In restaurants, for example, it gives cooks and everyone in the kitchen their tempo and assignment. Militaries couldn’t function without order-giving and more importantly, order-taking. Getting people to do things quickly and efficiently requires precision–in action and language. We understand the relevance of leadership and good soldiering. In the words of Anthony Bourdain, the great chef, author and amazing storyteller: Lead, follow, or get out of the way!
Saying please and thank you reveals a disingenuous shortcut to the authority demanded of good leadership and civility. Not to mention trust. This need for immediacy and world domination (that may be a bit of stretch, but only a bit) is reflected in the political constructs we create. It happens naturally and over time. Humans are naturally social beings. And to live together we must work together. From distributing water and other utilitarian resources to citizens to allocating capital for infrastructure projects. The distribution of water through acequias was one of the first forms of government. Determining who gets how much, when and where are important decisions to be made. Plus, who gets to decide? Talk about politics.
So it has been for thousands of years. People in power trying to make the best decisions they can for the people they represent. But because human frailty sits at the root of man since Adam and Eve, we fall victim to avarice and pride. Nothing motivates people more than power. And nothing keeps people motivated more than staying in power. Hence the bait and switch.
When someone in power tells you, ‘just call me when you need something, I’ll get it done,’ what they’re really telling you is they’ll bypass the normal protocols and cut through the red tape. Lines at the counter? Forms to be filled? Permissions to be granted? Clearances, rules, procedures, ordinances? Who needs them? They’re for everybody else. Not us. You’ve got a powerful cog in the machinery. Besides they’d much rather do favors than fix the actual problem. Have you ever asked them, “If you’ve been here so long and you admit there are problems with the system…why haven’t you fixed them? Why do you keep just doing favors?” Because guess what, now you owe them. Please and thank you.
As the desire for world domination continues, people in power need friends in high places. They make alliances with people throughout the kingdom. Maintaining power becomes the second objective. No better way to do that than with a strong alliance. Let’s put somebody up to run for this or that they say. Someone friendly to our cause. Someone at the state or the city or county or school board or utility board or council or club or whatever appointed positions are available. One ring to rule them all. And all of this in the name of progress and working together. Wait for it…because that’s how things get done.
Please and thank you is condescending. It tells the person doing the work that they are useless. And it reveals that the person barking the orders doesn’t really care about the people getting things done. They’d rather take a shortcut. Skip the line, circumvent the rules, maintain powerful allies. Yes, citizens need help and leaders should solve problems and issues as they arise. But favors come at a price. Usually a vote. The more favors, the more votes.
In the end, leaders ought to make processes easier for everyone and put power where it belongs—in the hands of the people. Citizens don’t need “friends” in high places. We just need good processes, rules that apply to everyone, common respect and understanding.
Don’t please and thank you me. And don’t say you’ll “take care of it” when all you’re doing is keeping power close to the vest. Shortcuts help no one.
Javier Sánchez is the former mayor of the City of Española, NM, and the co-owner of La Cocina New Mexican Restaurant.